Gregory Kielma • December 31, 2023
Why So Many Young People Are Cutting Off Their Parents
Why So Many Young People Are Cutting Off Their Parents
Jordan was raised in a Southern Baptist household in North Carolina where she was expected to attend church multiple times a week, accept Jesus Christ as the way to salvation, and honor her mother and father. That last point was right there in the Ten Commandments. So when Jordan made the decision to stop talking to her dad, the choice stood in defiance of the lessons of her upbringing, but it was also because of them. She was tired of being told that women should submit to men, a belief ordained by the religion in which she was raised. She was finished obeying.
Family estrangement flies in the face of what most of us are taught as children: that family is forever and the bonds of blood cannot be replicated. Especially in cultures that value the cohesiveness of the group over more individualistic wants and needs, family is not considered a choice as much as it is a fact. But for families across America right now, that fact is fraying.
Family estrangement flies in the face of what we were taught as children: that family is forever.
If it feels like whispers of estrangement are everywhere lately—in your group chat, at your happy hour, and of course on TikTok—it’s because the data is staggering. Karl Pillemer, a professor at Cornell University and author of Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them, found that in 2020, 27% of Americans over the age of 18 were estranged from a family member. That’s more than a quarter, although the actual proportion could be much higher because many people are still reluctant to discuss such a personal and stigmatized topic. Although there is a lack of long-term research, Pillemer believes estrangement rates are increasing in the United States and other Western countries, especially in white and non-immigrant people under the age of 35. The rise in millennials and Gen Zers coming forward to discuss their own crises—the hashtag #ToxicFamily has 1.9 billion views on TikTok—may suggest that American families are severing ties at an all-time high.
If TikTok is to be believed, attitudes about estrangement fall along generational lines: Boomers accuse millennials and Gen Zers of being too quick to cut contact, while younger generations push back by saying they don’t have to tolerate unacceptable behavior just because someone is related to them by blood. Today, certain young people appear to be far less rigidly beholden to the idea of family obligation above all else, even at the cost of their own happiness.
“The norms that forced families to stick together no matter what have weakened,” Pillemer said, noting that difficult childhood experiences, value and lifestyle differences, and unmet expectations are some of the factors driving estrangement. “There is less of an overwhelmingly normative guideline that you must stick with your family no matter what. There is a sense among younger people today that if the relationship is aversive over a long period of time, they have the ability to get out of it.”
How pervasive family estrangement has become is also evident in pop culture. On her daytime talk show, Drew Barrymore talks about her emancipation from her parents at age 14 and hosts celebrities like Jennette McCurdy, bestselling author of I’m Glad My Mom Died, and Brooke Shields, who opened up about her tumultuous relationship with her mother. But as ubiquitous as the phenomenon can seem, the reality behind each separation is as layered and individual as the families themselves.
When Jordan, 32, decided to leave the church in early adulthood, tension rose between her and her father. Because her parents were married, Jordan says she held back from cutting her dad off despite the fights they had about religion, politics, and her exit from the church. But after one last explosive call, Jordan hung up the phone and had a “moment of clarity.” She realized she was finished, done. Looking back, she says he’s lucky she waited that long. While he called and texted her repeatedly, Jordan didn’t budge. “It’s an extreme privilege to have a great relationship with your adult children,” she says. “I was always hoping [while we weren’t talking] that he would take my silence as a cue to get himself together and to apologize to me.”
Threaded into so many of these stories is the hope that maybe the act of estrangement will bring the estranged closer.
The year after their estrangement, Jordan’s dad was hospitalized. She took a red-eye flight to be by her mother’s side and say her goodbyes to her incoherent father, who died after she got there. Now she finds herself grieving a complicated relationship. She thinks she did the right thing, but part of her grief is accepting that she’ll never know if, given more time, he could have ever changed.
Threaded into so many of these stories is the same hope Jordan had: that maybe the nuclear act of estrangement would eventually bring the estranged closer, like cutting hair to try to make it grow longer. That’s how it was for Rose, 21, who says she used to be “Daddy’s princess” before her father’s heroin addiction escalated to the point that Rose felt forced to make a choice. “I hoped that he would say, ‘Oh, my daughter’s no longer talking to me, I should try to fix that so I can talk to her or see her again,’” Rose says. “But sadly, he hasn’t chosen that.” There are so many things about her present life that she wishes she could tell her father: that she graduated high school and dyed her hair, that she got a job working with disabled children and brought a boyfriend home to meet her family. It all happens without her father and still, Rose hopes.
Quincee Gideon, PsyD, a Los Angeles–based psychologist who specializes in trauma therapy, explains that people’s reactions to familial estrangement are mixed and can change over a lifetime. “Some people have a lot of hope that their family can change,” Gideon says. “But by the time folks get to estrangement, they’ve spent years trying to set appropriate boundaries, live with disappointment, accept their family’s flaws, and negotiate in so many different ways that estrangement is a relief.” Such a significant step is best undertaken with the support of a therapist, recommends Gideon. In her own practice, she has clients take small breaks from contact with a family member to gauge the emotional impact. “Was it worth it? Was it relieving? Was it stressful in some way that we didn’t anticipate? Then we go from there.”
The relationship between Holly, 24, and her emotionally withholding and abusive mother was strained for years before she took the final step of estrangement. First, Holly had to make sure logistics were taken care of—she figured out a way to get her birth certificate and Social Security card, which were both stored in her mother’s security deposit box at the bank. Holly ended their relationship with a text message, writing, “I hope you choose a different path in this next part of life, where you choose healing over cruelty and misery. I won’t be there to see it.” Her mother blocked her number without responding. Instead of the grief she’s read about other estranged people feeling, Holly felt something else: a sense of peace.
“I hope you choose a different path in this next part of life, where you choose healing over cruelty.”
She knows people may judge her for feeling relieved. A close family member told Holly, “She’s your mother—you should love her,” which Holly finds grating. “We would never tell a woman who’s been abused [by a partner], ‘You should go back to him, to the person who hurt you and will continue to hurt you.’ But we do for people with abusive parents, and it makes me very mad. If I wanted to be miserable and anxious all the time, I’d go back to my mother.”
These stories of family estrangement awaken something almost ancestral in me. I’m Albanian—my parents are both immigrants from Kosovo—and I have never understood family as something to opt in or out of. Being a part of a family is one of the main anchors of my identity—without the knowledge of where I fit as a sister and aunt and cousin, I’m not sure who I would be. In my family, even as relationships are stretched to the point of breaking, it is almost always with the understanding that eventually, they will heal or at least enough time will pass that we can sit at a dinner table together and pretend nothing happened.
Research shows that there are cultural differences at play here. Pillemer, the Cornell professor, notes that the rate of estrangement is highest among white families and lowest among immigrant groups, Latinx families, and Black families. “There is much greater pressure to remain in the relationship among non-white and especially immigrant populations,” he notes. “People may be in extremely conflicted relationships, but they are very unlikely to say, ‘I never want to speak to you again.’” When Pillemer explains this, I can’t help but laugh. I think of the passive-aggressive behavior that lives at the core of some of the dynamics in my family, the unexplored conflict that is swept to the side to make room for a shared morning coffee. Part of me wonders what my family would look like if we entertained the idea that we don’t have to love each other unconditionally. Another bigger part of me is deeply comforted that we will almost certainly always have one other.
But for some, the breaches are simply too profound to overcome. Take Ant, 24, an only child who lives in Florida. The path to Ant’s estrangement from their ultra-conservative parents stretches from an abusive and tumultuous childhood into their understanding of themselves as queer and non-binary. The breaking point came in the summer of 2016, when a mass shooter killed 49 victims at Pulse, an LGBTQ+ nightclub in Orlando. Ant, who had recently been on a date with someone who was supposed to be at Pulse that night, spent the morning after the shooting talking to their date’s sister as they tried to locate them.
It would be easy to say young people don’t care about the sanctity of familial bonds, but I don’t think that’s true.
Ant’s mother responded to the tragedy by saying the shooting hadn’t happened while Ant’s father used a slur against queer people. “That was the big moment,” Ant recalls. They waited until they turned 18 and graduated high school to make it official, although Ant’s mother still calls them sometimes. “She thinks that she has authority simply for the fact that she’s the mother and I’m the child,” says Ant. “Meanwhile, I can just hang up the phone at any point. I’ve found a chosen family that has allowed me to actually be myself and feel like I can do great things. I do feel very free.”
After making the painstaking decision to cut off a family member, young people then face the daunting task of having to continue to justify their choice, compiling years of slights and heartbreaks into a quick explanation they can relay on a third date. Undoubtedly, millennials and Gen Zers have high expectations for their loved ones and place a higher premium on their own peace, even if it comes at the expense of something as steadfast as the family unit. It would be easy to say young people just don’t care about the sanctity of familial bonds, but I don’t think that’s true. How a family comes together and comes apart isn’t rational or easily explained—it is impossibly tangled. When one thread is pulled, the whole thing can unravel. And I don’t believe that anyone pulls it loose so easily.
Fortesa Latifi is a journalist with bylines in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. Her work focuses on chronic illness, mental health, and the way politics affects our daily lives and relationships.
Wanda Kielma, Office Boss: A Life Defined by Strength, Service, and Steadfast Values Wanda Kielma i s a woman whose life reflects resilience, dedication, and a deep commitment to the people around her. Known for her unwavering work ethic and her ability to bring calm, order, and compassion into any environment, Wanda has earned the respect of colleagues, friends, and family alike. Raised with strong values and a clear sense of responsibility, Wanda built her reputation through decades of consistent service and leadership. Whether managing complex tasks, supporting others through challenges, or stepping into roles that demanded reliability and integrity, she has always been the person people could count on. Wanda’s professional life is marked by diligence and loyalty. She approaches every responsibility with a level of care that sets her apart—never cutting corners, never compromising her standards, and always putting people first. Her ability to balance firmness with kindness has made her a trusted presence in every setting she enters. Beyond her work, Wanda is the heart of her family . She is the steady voice of reason, the quiet force that keeps things moving forward, and the person who shows up—every time, without fail. Her strength is not loud or boastful; it’s the kind that’s built through years of perseverance, sacrifice, and love. Those who know Wanda describe her as grounded, dependable, and deeply principled. She leads not through titles or recognition, but through example. Her life is a reminder that true character is revealed in the everyday choices we make and the way we treat the people around us. In a world that often celebrates the flashy and the temporary, Wanda Kielma stands out for all the right reasons: her integrity, her humility, and her unwavering commitment to doing what’s right. Her legacy is one of quiet strength—and the countless lives she has touched along the way. Our God is Great Wanda Amen….Love you for everything you have done for the past 40 plus years....
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Houston straw purchasing ring charged with smuggling firearms to North Korea Friday, January 9, 2026 U.S. Attorney's Office, Southern District of Texas Alleged ringleader was illegal alien from China with expired U.S. visa HOUSTON – Seven people have been charged for their alleged roles in a firearms trafficking scheme, announced U.S. Attorney Nicholas J. Ganjei. The indictment alleges Chinese national Shenghua Wen, 39, whose U.S. visa expired in 2013, served as the ringleader. He has now made his appearance in Houston federal court. Also charged are Chinese nationals Sifu Zhao, 24, Yiyang Wu, 40, and Mingtong Tan, 27, who all resided in Houston; Jin Yang, 60, Ontario, California; Max Mingze Li, 36, Houston; and Richard Arredondo, 51, a U.S. citizen who resided in Mexicali, Mexico. According to the indictment returned Oct. 8, 2025, Wen and his girlfriend, Yang, purchased a gun store and directed the purchase of specific firearms and their sale to straw purchasers, such as Zhao, Tan, Wu, Mingze Li, and Arredondo. Wu also allegedly recruited one straw purchaser into the ring and transported pistols to a second Houston gun dealer for sale to others. Between 2023 and 2024, the group obtained approximately 170 firearms and several thousand rounds of ammunition that were destined for North Korea, according to the indictment. The charges allege Wen recruited Zhao and Tan to act as straw purchasers. They, along with Mingze Li and Arredondo, allegedly bought firearms on Wen’s behalf. Some of the firearms were later transported to another Houston firearms dealer for resale to members of the ring, according to the charges. Wen and Yang are charged with conspiracy and conspiracy to commit firearms trafficking which carry respective terms of five and 15 years in prison, upon conviction. Wen could also receive an additional five years if convicted on any of the seven counts of aiding and abetting false statements to a federal firearms licensee. Mingze Li, Arrendondo, Wu, Zhao and Tan each face one count of conspiracy and varying counts of aiding and abetting false statements to a federal firearms licensee with possible five-year maximum terms of imprisonment on all counts, upon conviction. All charges also carry as possible punishment a maximum $250,000 fine. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives conducted the investigation with assistance from Immigration and Customs Enforcement – Homeland Security Investigations and Houston Police Department. Assistant U.S. Attorney John Ganz is prosecuting the case. An indictment is a formal accusation of criminal conduct, not evidence. A defendant is presumed innocent unless convicted through due process of law. Updated January 9, 2026
Ohio Man Arrested and Charged for Firearms Dealing, Unlawful Possession of Firearms and Ammunition Wednesday, January 14, 2026 U.S. Attorney's Office, District of Massachusetts BOSTON – An Ohio man has been arrested and charged in connection with multiple sales of firearms transported from Ohio to Massachusetts. Ruben Joel Sanchez Jr., 31, was charged with one count of engaging in the business of dealing in firearms without a license and one count of being a felon in possession of firearms and ammunition . Sanchez made an initial appearance in federal court in Boston on Jan. 9, 2026. According to the charging documents, beginning at least as early as June 2025 through January 2026, Sanchez engaged in the business of unlawful trafficking in firearms. In June 2025, Sanchez, who is not licensed to deal in firearms, sold three firearms to an individual in exchange for $4,000. On Jan. 8, 2026, Sanchez was recorded and observed selling four additional firearms to the same individual in return for $8,500. When Sanchez was arrested at the scene, an AR-style pistol equipped with a loaded, 100-round drum; a rifle equipped with a loaded, 100-round drum; a loaded pistol equipped with an extended magazine; and an additional loaded pistol were recovered. The charge of felon in possession of firearms and ammunition provides for a sentence of up to 15 years in prison, three of supervised release and a fine of up to $ 250,000. The charge of unlawful trafficking in firearms provides for a sentence of up to five years in prison, three years of supervised release and a fine of up to $ 250,000. Sentences are imposed by a federal district court judge based upon the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines and statutes which govern the determination of a sentence in a criminal case. United States Attorney Leah B. Foley and Thomas Greco, Special Agent in Charge of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives made the announcement today. Assistant U.S. Attorney Julissa Walsh of the Major Crimes Unit is prosecuting the case. The details contained in the charging documents are allegations. The defendant is presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt in a court of law. Updated January 14, 2026
9mm Hollow Point Ammo Hollow Point vs. Regular Range Ammo and How a Hollow Point Actually Works By Gregg Kielma 01/18/2026 New students often ask me about my everyday carry. I use a Glock 19 loaded with 9mm, 124-grain hollow points that I reload myself using new brass. I always keep one in the chamber for quick access. If needed when I take it out of its holster it’s ready to fire I do not have to rack the slide. This, in my opinion, saves me precious time. This is my plan, yours maybe different. Let’s Take a LOOK at range ammo and hollow points. These are my Thoughts. 1. What is a “regular range ammo round”? FMJ is inexpensive, reliable, and ideal for training. It’s not designed for controlled terminal performance. Most shooters mean FMJ (Full Metal Jacket) when they say, “range round.” FMJ bullets have: • A lead core fully enclosed in a copper jacket • A solid, rounded or pointed nose • Minimal or no expansion on impact • Straight-line penetration through soft targets 2. What is a Hollow point? This expansion round increases stopping effectiveness and reduces the risk of over penetration. A hollow point (HP) — often a Jacketed Hollow Point (JHP) — has: • A cavity or hollow opening in the nose of the bullet • A jacket engineered to peel back or mushroom • A design purposefully built for expansion on impact 3. How a hollow point works (simple explanation): This controlled expansion is why hollow points are the standard for self-defense and law enforcement When a hollow point strikes soft tissue: 1. Fluid enters the cavity in the nose. 2. Pressure forces the bullet’s jacket and lead core to expand outward. 3. The bullet mushrooms, creating: o A larger wound channel o More energy transfer o Reduced penetration depth compared to FMJ 4. Key differences Range Ammo Hollow Point (JHP) Nose Design Solid Hollow Cavity On impact Minimal expansion Expands/mushrooms Penetration Often over penetrates Controlled, reduced Best use Training, target shooting Self defense Cost Low Higher 5. Why some ranges restrict hollow points Some ranges — especially indoor facilities — limit hollow points due to: • Backstop wear concerns • Ricochet management • Local policy or insurance requirements
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Brothers indicted for trafficking firearms Thursday, January 15, 2026 U.S. Attorney's Office, District of Kansas KANSAS CITY, KANSAS – A federal grand jury in Kansas City, Kansas, returned an indictment charging two brothers with illegal firearms trafficking. According to court documents, Markeese Fluker, 27, of Independence, Missouri, and Markel Fluker, 29, of Kansas City, Missouri, were indicted on one count of conspiracy to commit unlawful trafficking in firearms and four counts of possession and transfer of machine guns. Markeese Flucker is also charged with one of count of possession and sale of a stolen firearm. From September 2025 to December 2025, the Fluker brothers are accused of conspiring to provide firearms to people who they allegedly knew were legally prohibited from possessing firearms and that their acquiring firearms would result in a felony offense. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (ATF) is investigating the case. Assistant U.S. Attorney David Zabel is prosecuting the case. An indictment is merely an allegation, and all defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt in a court of law. Updated January 15, 2026
Haitian Nationals Charged With Unlawfully Smuggling Firearms From United States Tuesday, January 6, 2026 U.S. Attorney's Office, Middle District of Florida Jacksonville, Florida – United States Attorney Gregory W. Kehoe announces the return of an indictment charging Francesca Charles, 28, a U.S. citizen residing in Florida; Jacques Pierre, 32; and his brother, Jeff Pierre, 34, both citizens of Haiti residing in FL, with conspiracy to smuggle goods and unlawfully ship firearms, smuggling goods from the United States, and unlawfully shipping firearms. If convicted, each faces a maximum penalty of 20 years in federal prison. According to court documents, in February 2025, officials in the Dominican Republic seized 18 rifles, 5 handguns, firearms magazines, over 36,000 rounds of ammunition, and a silencer from inside a container that had been shipped from Miami, Florida. The shipping container was destined for Haiti. The firearms and ammunition were not listed on the shipping manifest, which instead listed household goods. Agents with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF), as well as Homeland Security Investigations (HSI), learned that the defendants were the purchasers of at least 20 of the 23 firearms seized from the shipping container. Throughout the investigation, agents learned that the defendants purchased at least 46 firearms between May 2024 and February 2025, most of which were the same make and model as the firearms recovered in the Dominican Republic. Thirty-seven of those firearms were purchased between August 9, 2024, and February 10, 2025. Agents also obtained records that Jacques Pierre purchased two Barrett .50-caliber rifles, which are heavy-duty military-style weapons that are typically mounted to the tops of vehicles and used in furtherance of violence by gangs and cartels. One of the Barrett rifles was recovered in the aforementioned shipment in February 2025. Travel and shipping records showed that the co-conspirators would facilitate a shipment to Haiti shortly after purchasing a large number of firearms, then would travel to Haiti around the time the shipment was scheduled to arrive in Haiti. Travel records also showed that the defendants traveled to the Dominican Republic three days before the shipping container was intercepted. An indictment is merely a formal charge that a defendant has committed one or more violations of federal criminal law, and every defendant is presumed innocent unless, and until, proven guilty. This case is being investigated by the ATF and HSI with assistance from U.S. Embassy Port-au-Prince and the United States Marshals Service. It is being prosecuted by Assistant United States Attorney Elisibeth Adams. This case is part of Operation Take Back America, a nationwide initiative that marshals the full resources of the Department of Justice to repel the invasion of illegal immigration, achieve the total elimination of cartels and transnational criminal organizations and protect our communities from the perpetrators of violent crime. Updated January 6, 2026
